The agony starts when you open your eyes. The sun is shining, and the birds are singing. You're warm, you're fed, you have clothes, a car, and everything from the outside is good including your health. But you wish it didn't hurt so much. That the pain in your chest, your heart, your soul, wasn't ripping you apart.
Maybe you don't know any other way to live. It's possible that all the joy in life was sucked dry by the venomous people in the past who stole those golden moments. Those experiences that should have built a beautiful view and hope eternal. You sit up. You go through the motions of normalcy. Drink the cup of coffee, sing with the radio and get ready for work. People tell you that you're a positive person and they want to know how you do it. But you want to cry, feeling like a fraud, because when you got up this morning you wondered if you were dead inside.
But then there's a moment. During silent thought, or prayer. A moment of silence, reflection, enlightenment, resolution, whatever, and the light bulb turns on. Hope. The sun is shining. You're not hungry, you're warm, dressed and have all that you need. The birds are singing, and a squirrel came by to eye you curiously hoping for some food. And you realize life is good. That it's beautiful. For a moment, you know hope, and you realize that if you can just hold that light on, you'll be better. That nothing changed, but the inside of you.....and you want that. You want to have that light on, and you want to know how to keep it on. God, that you can keep that light burning away the veil of darkness over the good things in life and be able to sit on that park bench in the sun and know what it feels like to be hopeful, and warm, and joyful on the inside longer.
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