Tuesday, February 15, 2011
New Day
I suppose that sounds hopeful. I hope it means hopeful. I feel like a grenade is launched into my personal life and I wonder who is the asshole who noticed I might be happy and blew it up? Just when you think you've gotten that relationship you worked so hard for, the person's on the same page, there's the same commitment, same love........monkey wrench. And when it's the right person it's always something really stupid, an unexpected death, a health problem, or a pet's death.....and it's blown all to hell. And you're standing there with your heart bleeding in your hands (yes, I'm quoting Elton John), and wondering why? Isn't my love good enough for the hard stuff? Isn't your love for me enough for the hard stuff? Why are we finding this out now? But then we always think we're tougher, nicer, kinder, more loving than we really are, don't we. God I just wish for once someone would love me back the way I love them, and that includes 'in sickness and in health'. Love is not for cowards, or lazy people. Love is only for the tough, the brave, and the hardworking.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thankful
When the world has turned to shit, and you want to pull the pillow over your head and not come out for a millenium, give thanks. It seems dumb. It seems trivial. But it helps. Thank God for His mercy and thank the universe for continuing to keep you alive.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Need
Breathing. Definitely a need, as I'm clutching the chest and gasping for air. Thoughts of warriors fighting battles, and heroic efforts of valor and bravery flit through my mind. Men and women doing daring feats of battle to drive back evil and win the day....and I'm gasping for air and wondering how in the hell am I going to even make it to a nine to five job when my gasping for air knocks me off my feet. Wow, I'm so radically cool! So, instead, I'll take my inhaler, read a daring do book and wish I could have this great body with bulging muscles in all the right places and my man/hero drooling over every effort of heroism that I accomplish...instead of the mediocre success of me getting up long enough to fix myself soup.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Vampire
Fangs dripping blood rising sensually from some woman's neck, her pearl white skin a contrast against the predator's dark good looks. Everyone wants to be the Twilight scene, or the Trublood scene....can't say as I blame them about Trublood. A very good show.
But what would a real vampire be doing? Medicine. Can you imagine the healing properties a nice vampire who struggles with his inner predator could do? Being able to smell something wrong with the blood, stopping a blood clot without instruments, stopping air bubbles in the line that others would miss, lifting collapsed people, hearing abnormalities in heart beat that others might miss. What a gift!
What about a vampire who works in dialysis? Who's a kind nurse who saves his patients and eases their suffering? I know there are novels out there including Twilight that are looking at the desire to be saved from a terminal illness.
Super strength? EMT's, cops, soldiers, fire fighters rescuing the innocent and saving them from harm. It's already in the novels where the vampire is good, and loves humanity. But what if it was real now? What would a real vampire do? Know any? Maybe I do. (wink) LOL! But I think the imagery is interesting and the idea of what is something that immortality would inspire, and how blood links us to life, to love, to passion and to survival. The images are graphic, and visceral, and link into the subconcious all our fears, desires, and secret urges. I love the paranormal and the urban paranormal especially. I love the images of heroism, and virtue that one struggles with in our baser nature, while trying to find compassion as a balance to our violence.
But what would a real vampire be doing? Medicine. Can you imagine the healing properties a nice vampire who struggles with his inner predator could do? Being able to smell something wrong with the blood, stopping a blood clot without instruments, stopping air bubbles in the line that others would miss, lifting collapsed people, hearing abnormalities in heart beat that others might miss. What a gift!
What about a vampire who works in dialysis? Who's a kind nurse who saves his patients and eases their suffering? I know there are novels out there including Twilight that are looking at the desire to be saved from a terminal illness.
Super strength? EMT's, cops, soldiers, fire fighters rescuing the innocent and saving them from harm. It's already in the novels where the vampire is good, and loves humanity. But what if it was real now? What would a real vampire do? Know any? Maybe I do. (wink) LOL! But I think the imagery is interesting and the idea of what is something that immortality would inspire, and how blood links us to life, to love, to passion and to survival. The images are graphic, and visceral, and link into the subconcious all our fears, desires, and secret urges. I love the paranormal and the urban paranormal especially. I love the images of heroism, and virtue that one struggles with in our baser nature, while trying to find compassion as a balance to our violence.
Searching for Hope
The agony starts when you open your eyes. The sun is shining, and the birds are singing. You're warm, you're fed, you have clothes, a car, and everything from the outside is good including your health. But you wish it didn't hurt so much. That the pain in your chest, your heart, your soul, wasn't ripping you apart.
Maybe you don't know any other way to live. It's possible that all the joy in life was sucked dry by the venomous people in the past who stole those golden moments. Those experiences that should have built a beautiful view and hope eternal. You sit up. You go through the motions of normalcy. Drink the cup of coffee, sing with the radio and get ready for work. People tell you that you're a positive person and they want to know how you do it. But you want to cry, feeling like a fraud, because when you got up this morning you wondered if you were dead inside.
But then there's a moment. During silent thought, or prayer. A moment of silence, reflection, enlightenment, resolution, whatever, and the light bulb turns on. Hope. The sun is shining. You're not hungry, you're warm, dressed and have all that you need. The birds are singing, and a squirrel came by to eye you curiously hoping for some food. And you realize life is good. That it's beautiful. For a moment, you know hope, and you realize that if you can just hold that light on, you'll be better. That nothing changed, but the inside of you.....and you want that. You want to have that light on, and you want to know how to keep it on. God, that you can keep that light burning away the veil of darkness over the good things in life and be able to sit on that park bench in the sun and know what it feels like to be hopeful, and warm, and joyful on the inside longer.
Maybe you don't know any other way to live. It's possible that all the joy in life was sucked dry by the venomous people in the past who stole those golden moments. Those experiences that should have built a beautiful view and hope eternal. You sit up. You go through the motions of normalcy. Drink the cup of coffee, sing with the radio and get ready for work. People tell you that you're a positive person and they want to know how you do it. But you want to cry, feeling like a fraud, because when you got up this morning you wondered if you were dead inside.
But then there's a moment. During silent thought, or prayer. A moment of silence, reflection, enlightenment, resolution, whatever, and the light bulb turns on. Hope. The sun is shining. You're not hungry, you're warm, dressed and have all that you need. The birds are singing, and a squirrel came by to eye you curiously hoping for some food. And you realize life is good. That it's beautiful. For a moment, you know hope, and you realize that if you can just hold that light on, you'll be better. That nothing changed, but the inside of you.....and you want that. You want to have that light on, and you want to know how to keep it on. God, that you can keep that light burning away the veil of darkness over the good things in life and be able to sit on that park bench in the sun and know what it feels like to be hopeful, and warm, and joyful on the inside longer.
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